My Beard Doesn’t Sweat

But my eyebrows do. It’s the weirdest thing. By mile two of my five-mile elliptical routine, I’ve got sweat pouring down my back, down my chest, and down my forehead. And even more sweat seems to sprout from my eyebrows. They’re like two sponges sitting over my eyes, getting heavier and heavier, until they release rolling, salty torrents down the bridge of my nose and into the corners of my eyes, where they sting and blind and madden, until I brush the sweat off my brow with an already soaked hand, leaving my entire face wet and dripping, and no better because it’s still stinging my eyes. And so goes the next three miles. But through it all, my beard stays dry.

And so goes another five miles today, which added to Sunday’s five miles, brings the total to eighty-two miles.


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